Circa 1980s-now envision the one lone sex store in my very small hometown. The whole experience of going in, getting my gag gift, leaving without being noticed by any passers-by on the street was a terribly embarrassing experience for a 19 year old.

Sex shops of yesteryear have proven their reputation of being dismal and dirty. What with their frosted glass windows hiding a dark and smelly interior filled with a lot of hardcore porn. The sleazy men going in were of a questionable reputation. No woman with a shred of self-respect would ever be caught in such an establishment.

However, you may have noticed that the climate has changed. Slowly, forward thinking store owners have realized where the buying power is and have been creating a new niche market: women-friendly sex stores.

The first to open its doors was Eve’s Garden in New York-founded in 1974 by women’s rights activist Dell Williams. According to the Eve’s Garden website, Williams felt so much shame walking into a department store and buying a hand held vibrator, it propelled her to fight for women’s sexual rights.

Then, in 1977, across the coast in San Francisco, feminist Joani Blank became dismayed by the lack of resources for women seeking accurate sex information and good quality sex toys. She opened Good Vibrations.

The challenge in smaller cities was that women like to cluster, discuss and get positive reinforcement when trying something new. The old retail model is skewed to men, who don’t mind walking into a sex store alone. And the women were not biting.

The woman’s solution? She gathered girlfriends in her living room so they could buy sex toys at home parties. Sex toy parties are similar to Tupperware parties except they sell all sorts of sex toys and paraphernalia.

Yet after a few years of seeing the sales skyrocket with the home parties, the sex toy industry realized that women were the bulk purchaser of items. Scrambling in the last five to ten years, every major city has seen a new retail model that has built stores exclusively according to women’s preferences.

A colleague of mine, John Ince, author of The Politics of Lust, owns and operates The Art of Loving in downtown Vancouver. His shop is what I would definitely classify as the new wave in sex stores.

The first time I walked into Ince’s store, it was a totally different experience from the sleazy shop of yore. It has the look and feel of an art gallery with airy ceilings, big sunlit windows, wood floors, plants and comfy leather couches. Immediately upon walking through the front entrance, I saw an area displaying tasteful erotic art.

Going up stairs to the right were shelves of sex-positive books. On the left hand side were sex toy products on display, which customers were able to pick up and check out. With each product, there was a description of how to use it as well as a troubleshooting guide to any health concerns customers may have. The staff were laid-back and ready to answer any questions without judgment.

I spoke to Ince about his business and clientele. He said 70% of his clientele are women, their mean age ranging from 28 to 45 years. John believes that people from all economic strata visit his shop and spend on average $40 to $60 per visit. Women tend to buy smaller items and, as they get more comfortable, graduate to the bigger ticket items such as The Rabbit (made famous by Charlotte on Sex and the City).

Education is a high mandate for Ince, and his store gives 60 to 70 sexuality seminars per year. Obviously, the more educated a woman is about her sexuality, the more comfortable she will feel-and consequently, the more likely she will buy sex toys.

If you’re still not certain sex shops are for you, let’s look at what everyone else is doing. Durex Condom’s 2003 Global Sex Survey cited the percentage of Americans who use vibrators to enhance their sex lives at 49%. The Babes in Toyland website state the number of vibrators sold when they first opened in 1993 to be 500; in 2004, the number rose to 83,250.

However with all of this sex-shops-really-aren’t-so-sleazy-anymore progress, the bulk of sex toy sales is still online. I guess people appreciate the anonymous, non-stigma attached to brown paper packaging.

In closing, the Good Vibrations website states: “We look forward to the day when talking about sex, shopping for sex toys and teaching our kids about sex is so easy, so comfortable and so common that we take it for granted.” Amen.

If your child is in a public school they will most likely be taught some type of sex education by the 5th or 6th grade. Even if they are not, they will find out about it from somebody at this age or earlier. If their information comes from friends or peers at school, it will probably not presented in a serious and appropriate way, and will many times be incorrect. The best place for a young person to find out and learn about sex should be from the ones that care about them the most: their parents.

1) Start Early

The average age for teens to have sex for the first time is 15 for girls and 14 for boys. It is not completely uncommon for public schools to have one or more pregnant seventh graders. Addressing the topic of sex with your teen should happen much earlier than many parents would think. While it may depend on the culture they are in, I strongly suggest having some serious conversations with your child at least by the age of thirteen. If your child is asking questions or hearing things at an earlier age, you may need to address the issue to some degree.

Some parents wait until their teens are already dating or in a long term relationship to even bring the issue up. While I know the parents’ intentions are good, they are very often too late. I believe a parent should start letting their teenager know about sexual standards very early on. Even though caution must be used, it is better to be too early than too late. It is best to help a young person prevent mistakes than to help them try to fix sexual mistakes later on.

2) Go gradually

Although it may sound strange, the best strategy is to avoid “the talk” about sex. This conversation tends to be too fast, and the teen is often too uncomfortable to ask questions. Addressing sexual issues should be a progression. The conversation should not be a passing dramatic thunderstorm, but a slow drizzling rain. Give your teen time to soak it in. Use one conversation as a starting point, but don’t feel obligated to tell them everything that you know or be overly graphic. Bring issues up in regular conversation.

3) Be intentional

Look for strategic points in daily living to affirm or disaffirm sexual decisions. Keep in mind that you will have to be intentional about addressing sex, or it may not ever be given the quality time and thought that it needs.

4) Use a framework

When our daughter turned 13, we went through a book on purity with her over the course of 4 weeks. This time allowed for high quality conversation to arise, and it gave her the chance to think of questions that she might have and ask them over the course of the month. By the end of the month, communicating about sex was a lot less awkward than it was at the beginning, and now she knew that she could talk to us anytime about serious issues like this.

There are a many teen centered sex information resources out there for you. Try to find something that covers more than just the biology and read through it before you hand it to them. It’s important to talk to your teen about the significance of sex and share your values.

Teens need to be well informed about sex before they risk experiencing sexual situation. By giving an open atmosphere for questions, continuing to talk them about it, and making a point to educate him or her, your teen will be well prepared for the situations present in middle, high, and junior high schools.

The two words mature sex, have this incredible ability to make people feel uncomfortable, even the people who are having mature sex! This is really too bad because more and more people are having sex well in to their seventies and eighties. Studies have shown having a mature sex life can be very beneficial health wise. As more and more people are having sex later into their lives, doctors are finding mature sex to have great beneficial effects on all aspects of older folk’s lives. And, no, this is not a Viagra testimonial! Talk about mature! That Viagra joke has well outlived its usefulness! What we are talking about is attitude and health when it comes to mature sex.

One of the main benefits of mature sex is having a healthy sleep cycle. Sleeplessness can be dangerous to your health, especially in older people. Making sure to get the right amount of restorative sleep is important at any age, but even more so as we mature into out golden years. Having sex has been shown to be a great remedy for insomnia because the expulsion of energy helps the brain and body to enter a state more conducive to accepting the initial onset of sleep and maintaining it throughout the night. Mature sex is not something to look at with a hairy eyeball it’s something that should be promoted as a health benefit. Plus, it’s fun too! Youth is too often wasted on the young!

A mature sex life doesn’t have to be lacking in excitement either. There are plenty of mature sex informational sources out there including videos, magazines and internet websites. It would behoove anyone who falls into the mature sex category to have a look at these materials and get on a sex schedule, especially if there are problems with sleeplessness. Sex is not just for the young. Neither is sleep, your lazy grandson notwithstanding!

Mature sex as a sleep aid is all about expending the right amount of energy. Save up your energy for sex instead of exercise before bed. If you exert yourself before bed with any other activity besides sex, you risk revving up your brain with the inability to calm back down. With mature sex, your brain reaches the same endorphin high, but enjoys a release that decompresses your brain and aligns it and your body with your sleep cycle for restful, healthy rejuvenation.